When it comes to soothing little ones, parenting advice often focuses on one tool: what to say.
If a toddler throws a tantrum, say this. If a child can't sleep, say that. And if, in the process, you start to yell, well, there's even a script for how to apologize.
But around the world, many parents turn to another tool to calm a crying child and lull them to sleep. And it's entirely silent.
Instead of speaking, many parents opt for touch. But it's not just any touch. Oh no! It's a touch applied with a specific speed and pressure.
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After decades of neuroscience research, scientists are starting to understand how our skin perceives this particular type of touch and how this sensation lights up areas of the brain, altering our emotions.
It turns out our skin has nerves specifically designed to detect gentle, stroking touches. These nerves are part of a system within our skin designed to evoke feelings of warmth, calmness, and tranquility—similar to what you feel when you are with people who love you.
José Grajeda and his daughter Victoria. "If I wanted to go to sleep when I was a child, I would hug my mom, and she would give me piohito," he says, which in Spanish means "little lice." The late Peruvian linguist Martha Hildebrandt described piohito as "gentle head-scratching of a child, as if getting rid of the itch of imaginary lice"—hence the name. Jessica Lutz / for NPR How to give a "piohito" In Korea, parents call this type of touch yaksun. In Taiwan, they say 秀秀 (xiù xiù). In India: "In different parts of the country, we have different languages, but in Delhi, we call it malish," says Dr. Sarika Chaturvedi, studying pediatric massage practices at Dr. D. Y. Patil VidyaPith in Pune. "This type of touch is so ingrained in our culture. It's all about avoiding disappointment for the child and strengthening the pleasant bond."
But in Latin America, parents may have the best name for it: Piohitos, which literally means "little lice."
"If I wanted to go to sleep when I was a child, I would go hug my mom, and she would give me piohito," says Joe Grajeda, 40, born in northern Mexico and now living in Alpine, Texas, with his three young children (Joe owns a coffee shop in Alpine and is a good friend of mine).
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"Now, I love giving my children piohito," he says, smiling widely. "My sons like to sit there and just enjoy the moment. Victoria, my daughter, loves it when she's ready to go to sleep."
When using piohito and other calming touches, it's crucial not to move too fast or too slow. And don't press too deeply. "You're scratching someone's back or head with your fingertips. And you're doing it very lightly and softly," Grajeda explains. "You want the skin to slide a bit over the skin." (The late Peruvian linguist Martha Hildebrandt described piohito as "gentle head-scratching of a child, as if getting rid of the itch of imaginary lice"—hence the name.)
In other words, you want to give the child goosebumps. "In Mexico, we call it chicken skin," he says, laughing. "I love piohito. Now I ask my mom—and my kids—to give me piohito right now. I think it's my love language."
José Grajeda giving his daughter the same comforting touch he received from his mom as a child. Jessica Lutz / for NPR How gentle touch affects nerves When you give a child piohito, the gentle stroking activates special nerves in the hairy parts of our skin, called C-tactile fibers. So yes, this includes the head, back, and arms.
These nerves are tuned to detect a specific speed of stroking, says Ishmail Abdus-Sabur, a neurobiologist at Columbia University. "If you stroke too quickly across the surface of the skin, a person might perceive that touch as aversive," he says.
All mammals have these special neurons. According to Abdus-Sabur, all mammal parents stroke or lick their offspring. "There's evidence that these neurons also respond, maybe even to warmth," he explains. "So, these neurons have the ability to detect social signals between two mammals when they are stroking, touching, and hugging each other, for example, a mother with her offspring."
